The Poetry, Essays and Journals of Larry L. Dill
Buying a last minute ticket from Asheville to Austin, flying in on Christmas day, spending 2 weeks sleeping on the couch in my daughter’s south Austin apartment, brought back 40 years of bitter-sweet memories. Raised in San Antonio, I arrived in Austin at 19, received my University education there. discovered Hemingway and Wallace Stevens, Karl Marx and Sigmund Freud, had at least 5 great love affairs there (and at least that many unrequited). I held something like 14 different jobs in Austin and lived in more than two dozen different residences. I suppose I realized more profoundly on this trip than ever before that though I don’t live in Austin anymore, Austin still lives in me. The February 2007 issue of the New Hope Journal is a Valentine to the Austin years, to my children, wives, lovers, enemies and friends. Viva the Austin Texas of my mind.
-- Larry L. Dill
Rabbit Rock, North Carolina
January 25, 2007
Huffstickler's Prophesy
(for JMD, with all my love. You make me want to come back. Just for you.)
I came here to the Austin History Center to see if I could find that poem by Albert Huffstickler about people who keep trying to get away from Austin but keep coming back.
I found a lot of his poems here. But not the one I was looking for.
I can’t remember, either, what little jewel of Huff’s humble philosophical observations it might contain.
I know that I have moved away and back to Austin many times, so I'm surely one of those people Huff was talking about.
But even without his pithy poetry I have my own memories to fall back on.
As long as I have friends and relatives here I’ll keep coming back to visit. But I don’t live here anymore.
I can’t say I won’t ever move back. I’ve lived more of my life here than anywhere else. I believe I’ve had more joy here than anywhere else I’ve ever lived: more friends, more lovers, more wives, more time with my children, more music, more poetry, more beer, more enchiladas, more skinny dipping, etc., etc., etc. I sat right here in this room, once the main reading room of the Austin Public Library, ecstatically creating the name I gave my first child over three decades ago.
But I’ve had more sorrow here, too, than anywhere else I've ever lived: more failure, more heartbreak, and more despair. My father and all four of my grandparents died while I was living in Austin. I have three divorces registered at the courthouse just over there across the park. I can see it from here. A monument to my endurance, high hopes and ultimate (ultimate?) defeat.
But true to Huffstickler’s prophesy, sometimes I still think I’d like to move back again. Right back into all that fury, all the music and all that passion.
But the heartbreak seems certain to be waiting patiently for me to come back, too, like a mad woman filled with jealousy and rage.
My spirit is old now.
As old as my body.
I’m not sure if I can handle Austin anymore.
I've never really felt that way before.
-Larry L. Dill
Austin, Texas
January 4, 2007
with daughter, Jessica Dill, Carl Misage
and Steve Sanders
Barton Springs Pool Austin, Texas
January 1, 2007
It was Jessica's Birthday.
(still shots from video by Camen Gupta.)
Three Poems by Albert Huffstickler
larrydill@newhopejournal.com
www.newhopejournal.com
copyright 2007 by Larry L. Dill